How To Become An Effective Communication and Problem-Solver

The theme of this article (regardless of the specific situation) is ‘How To Become An Effective Communication and Problem-Solver. This ‘skill’ is not something that we are born knowing, but rather is a skill-set that is learned and must be routinely practiced like tennis or golf.

When differences occur, as they inevitably will, you and your partner must be commited to developing the expertise to carefully express your feelings to one another. You must listen to each other’s point of view, even though you may disagree.

Effective problem-solving consists of the following steps:

1. A commitment to learn how to become an effective and healthy problem-solver. That means trying to resolve differences with respect, care, openness, directness, kindness, consideration, acceptance and love.
2. Look to achieve a win/win, rather than a win/lose resolution to problems.
3. Discover and learn the art form of genuine discussion. This means looking at the pros and cons of a particular issue. Healthy problem-solving means no yelling, blaming, no projecting your feeling on to someone else (e.g.telling some one what they are feeling, when it’s really you who needs to own the emotion) no displacing your upset (e.g. kicking the dog or yelling at your child when you’re angry at your partner). Nor does avoiding problems make the difficulties go away.
4. The way to try and save your important relationships requires that people learn: how to say it, if to say it, (some things are really better left unsaid) where to say it,(not in front of others) and when to say it. (Not when you’re getting ready to go to sleep or when you’re getting ready to go to work). Making a ‘date’ for discussions are important. You then will know that there will hopefully be no interferences from the children, television, phone etc.
5. Once people have learned the art of discussion, they then need to be prepared to make REASONABLE compromises and trade-offs in order to reach the win/win resolution.